On thinking it over, while this project is definitely one that I find exciting and I kept things reasonably succinct for once, I decided that an episode of These Old Drums might not be maximally resonant (see what I did there?!) for the LJI readership. I will leave this here for those who like fabric swatches and potential tales of vomit-inducing sanding, and head back to the drawing board this afternoon.
edit: Comments were disabled on this post, apparently. This wasn't intentional. Fixed now. Please flame away at will.
edit 2: By "popular" "request," I have significantly shortened this entry (prior to the final posting deadline, of course).
(The original full-length post is still available here, but I think the below will be enough for most folks to get the cut of my jib.)
Big thanks to theafaye, without whom this entry literally would not have been possible.